A Very Long Journey

I had a breakdown yesterday. It was ugly - and it was right in the middle of my doctor's office. I had my annual YUCK doctor appointment yesterday and of course they weigh you first thing. When the number popped up, I started crying. I can't believe I have let my self go this far. Only 8 years ago, I was wearing a size 8 and looking good. Men actually turned their heads when I walked by. I wore leather pants and tight skirts. I go to lunch with my girlfriends now, and men will stare at them, and not even glance at me. I used to be the girl getting checked out. Now? Oh, now I weigh 272 pounds. I have gained 100 pounds in 3 years. Is that possible? What on earth has happened to me??? Oh sure, I had a baby, but that is absolutely no excuse! So it starts now. Today is the first day of the rest of my life, and I will get skinny again. Yes, I will! I am going to Weight Watchers tonight, and starting the gym tomorrow. I have pulled out pictures of me when I was in college and have placed them on my fridge. Do I really want my daughter to grow up with the "fat mom"? I certainly don't want her to follow in my foot steps. I am going to make sure she doesn't have to struggle with her weight her entire life like I have. It starts today.

So I'm going to go ahead and warn you - I will be posting disgusting pictures on this blog. Tonight, I am going to have my husband (why in the world does he still love me? I don't even love me) take pictures of me in my bathing suit every month. Yes, it will be gross. But if I can't see my progress, I know I'll quit. I hope that none of you, my dear blogger friends, think less of me after you see them. I really am a cute person, on the inside :)

So, here we go. Please pray that I have the strength and will power to do this. I have to - for me and for Julia.